Empathy, Health and Wellness, Loss and Grief, Reflections, Travel
Let’s Get Upset
Let’s get upset….Said no one ever…
When’s the last time you were upset?
How was it? A lot of fun right?
We we all have these moments – where we’re immediately triggered by something and it brings out more emotion and feeling in us than we thought we had. If you don’t have these moments, please contact me and share your secret…
What happens for you in these moments? Do you get angry? Sad? Withdrawn? Lonely? Depressed?
Depending upon the situation, you might be lucky enough to experience all of these lovely emotions. Bingo, jackpot, winner winner!
So the question is – why do these moments happen to us? And what could we do to lessen their frequency and intensity?
If you’re like many people, you’ve give up on these questions. You’ve come to accept that these ups and downs are just “a normal part of life”.
If you’re an optimist, then you’ve rationalized it as some sort positive that helps you appreciate the happy moments.
Well, let’s pretend we can actually affect them for a moment.
In 2015, a good mentor said to me “we’re only ever upset or disappointed when our expectations aren’t met”.
While that’s interesting and likely true, it’s not very helpful. It’s pretty hard to go through life without any expectations.
I certainly have an expectation to get through the day with a couple of meals and some water don’t you?
As humans, or at least as ‘Westerners’, we certainly seem to think about what we want and the future a lot, and with that, come expectations. Sometimes, a lot of them…
Thanks to another mentor, I attended The Landmark Forum. Crazy enough, they also brought up this idea of upsets and how they’re tied to expectations…but there are more components to it.
Here’s the idea – upsets occur solely inside of us and they are tied to 3 things:
1. Thwarted Intentions
2. Undelivered Communications
3. Unfulfilled Expectations
Take a deep look at the last time you were upset – What was happening?
Were you stuck in traffic? Running late to meet a friend? Did you drop your phone? Did your SO not show you as much love or attention as you were hoping for?
Seriously, take a moment and see if you can discover these 3 components in it. What were they?
Now notice your emotions and feelings around the upset – have they lessened? Do you feel like you finally understand why it bothered you so much?
To the extent we can interrupt these upsets and examine them to find those 3 components, we can ‘short circuit’ them from frying our brain into an unwanted and often uncomfortable reaction.
For me, what I came to learn was that while traveling, living simply, and focusing on the bare necessities of life, I all of a sudden had:
– few and uncomplicated intentions
– more honest and simple communications
– low expectations
An example:
When I was traveling and living out of a backpack for super cheap, my intentions were to live cheaply, meet people, make a few connections, be outside, and see the world.
All easily accomplished…well most of the time…
Take a look at your life right now – do you have complicated, extremely lofty, and sometimes unrealistic expectations?
If so, consider your options:
1. Reset your levels to something more realistic
2. Set completely new levels or objectives
3. Re-commit yourself to accomplishing and achieving them
4. Face a huge upset when life gets in the way and something goes off the tracks
Being upset is no way to live your life. Everyone wants to be enjoying life and not experiencing these intense downturns.
The decision is now yours – let your upsets control you or decide now to control your upsets.
