Making Yourself Lucky by Kevin Connelly

You have likely heard the expression that luck is simply when preparation meets opportunity. I believe this is to be true, but I think there can be more to luck. Some people tend to have more of opportunities or lucky breaks than others.

In Design Your Life the two authors describe the mindset of being curious: “Curiosity makes everything new. It invites exploration. It makes everything play. Most of all, curiosity is going to help you ‘get good at being lucky.’ It is the reason some people see opportunities everywhere.”

Thinking back to my lucky moments they all stem from being curious, being willing to share my aspirations with others, and having enough credibility that others will want to help you. The best way to make others want to help you and build credibility is by helping them!

So to get lucky: be prepared, be curious, share where you want to go, help others, and build relationships especially where there is no perceived ROI!

Reflections, Relationships

Say Goodbye – Ciao Ciao Bella

By Adam Crompton on

March 13, 2019

- Reflections, Relationships

Sometimes, it can just be really hard to appreciate our time. And then we make ourselves guilty for not appreciating our time.

After my Dad died unexpectedly at 60, I’ve really tried to appreciate my time more – but how do you appreciate something that feels like it’s endless and plentiful?

But really, how much time do you have left? With yourself, with your parents, with your friends?

Turns out, that really the wrong question. Although we live in a society focused on calendars, clocks, and hours in the day, that’s not how many of us actually live our lives.

We actually live our lives through experiences. Through seasons. Through evenings with friends, family reunions, annual ski trips, July 4ths, etc.

A great article by WaitButWhy got me thinking about this, especially when it comes to the remaining time with our parents.

Here’s a handy photo from the WaitButWhy Article:

Imagine you’re 34 and you’ve gone skiing with your family and more specifically, your parents every year since you were 4. Your parents are 30 years older (64) than you, and everyone typically lives to 78. And by age 70, everyone stops skiing because it’s too dangerous.

You absolutely LOVE these trips. And now, all of a sudden, you realize you have 14 more family ski trips with your mom and dad. And you only have 26 more trips before you have to stop because you’re too old.

You have used up nearly 70% of your ski trips with your parents.

How does that change your perspective?

So, the question becomes – are you satisfied with your experiences if it all ended sooner than you thought? Even sooner than the averages?

I know, this is a dumb question. This sounds like some millennial ‘YOLO’ stuff. We can’t just live our lives enjoying every moment right?

Right, life is tough, full of challenges but also ‘opportunities’, you’re born, you pay taxes, and then you die. Sounds awesome. Enjoy that!

I’m not trying to advocate for some euphoric bliss, just simply joy and content with what you have – in this moment, right here, right now.

If you’re feeling dissatisfied and unfulfilled, it’s not just going to magically disappear.

And if you’ve been feeling this way for a while, it’s not just going to change at the blink of an eye, because you quit your job or because you broke up with your SO.

It’s going to come from a change in perspective, a change in being, and a change in environment.

Now, that might sound pretty hard. Who wants to go through all that change?

But seriously…isn’t your life worth it? How much is your life worth to you?

Well that’s the problem – when you’re not enjoying your life and you feel like your just surviving it day by day, you actually come to not value your life. You actually see it as less valuable.

And that’s where the incredible value of coaching comes from. It’s incredibly rare to catapult yourself from just surviving to loving life.

I’ve met countless people who have told me point blank that they hate their life and felt like they were barely surviving. I’ve personally fet that way over the years.

And the only thing that gets you from the depths of despair (or just simply a feeling of boredom and monotony) is a change.

Know your true value and worth. You are an incredible person. Always have been and always will be.

Don’t waste your life. Get back to living and loving with everything you’ve got.

Reflections, Relationships

Fear as a Compass

By Kevin Connelly on

February 25, 2019

- Reflections, Relationships

Fear as a Compass by Kevin Connelly

“It is one thing to study war and another to live the warrior’s life.”

-Telamon of Arcadia, mercenary of the fifth century B.C.

In 2014 one of my mentors recommended The War of Art by Steven Pressfield to me. I have revisited it a few times since then and each time gain a little more insight from the book. This time through what really resonated with me were his thoughts related to fear:

“Like a magnetized needle floating on a surface of oil, Resistance will unfailingly point to true North – meaning that calling or action it most wants to stop us from doing. We can use this. We can use it as a compass. We can navigate by Resistance, letting it guide us to that calling or action that we must follow before all others. Rule of thumb: the more important a call or action is to our soul’s evolution, the more Resistance we will feel toward pursuing it.

Are you paralyzed with fear? That is a good sign. Fear is good. Like self-doubt, fear is an indicator. Fear tells us what we have to do. Remember our rule of thumb: the more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it. Resistance is experienced as fear; the degree of fear equates to the strength of Resistance. Therefore the more fear we feel about a specific enterprise, the more certain we can be that that enterprise is important to us and to the growth of our soul. That is why we feel so much Resistance. If it meant nothing to us, there would be no Resistance. Have you ever watched Inside the Actors Studio? The host, James Lipton, invariably asks his guests, “What factors make you decide to take a particular role?” The actor always answers: “Because I am afraid of it.” The professional tackles the project that will make him stretch. He takes on the assignment that will bear him into unchartered waters, compel him to explore unconscious parts of himself. Is he scared? Hell, yes. He is petrified. If you are paralyzed with fear, it is a good sign. It shows you what you have to do.

If Resistance could not be beaten, there would be no Fifth Symphony, no Romeo and Juliet, no Golden Gate Bridge. Defeating Resistance is like giving birth. It seems absolutely impossible until you remember that women have been pulling it off successfully, with support and without for fifty million years.”

In my line of work my compass mainly points to difficult conversations that need to be had. There is a moment when I being to rationalize, and think about why I don’t need to address a problem early. But with the compass in mind, it helps to propel me forward.

What is your fear telling you?

Accountability, Books, Health and Wellness, Languages, Leadership, Purpose and Calling, Reflections

Building Habits

By Kevin Connelly on

February 8, 2019

- Accountability, Books, Health and Wellness, Languages, Leadership, Purpose and Calling, Reflections

Building Habits by Kevin Connelly

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence is not an act, but a habit.” – Artistotle

Consider the well-worn hiking trail. It was not always this worn. In fact, it used to not exist. The first trailblazer faced much hardship and friction as they trudged along. After this initial path was carved out each subsequent hiker had an easier journey. The path became more and more defined, slowly but surely with each trip.

Habits are the choices that all of us deliberately make at some point, and then stop thinking about but continue doing. Think about the well-worn path; after a habit is formed a similar neurological path is carved out to conserve energy the next time the habit is triggered – making it an easier trip.

The Power Of Habit focuses on both building habits and changing them.

When it comes to changing habits, we will want to leverage existing cues and rewards while changing the habit or routine. The beautiful thing about the well-worn path of good habits (exercise, meditating, journaling, in-sourcing, etc.) is that eventually the reward simply becomes the sense of accomplishment gained from completion.

This habit loop can be applied to business and leadership as well. In the One Minute Manager Ken Blanchard introduces the one minute appraisal and the one minute reprimand. This leverages immediate feedback versus waiting for the performance appraisal. Pair this with the concept of the habit loop and you have something profound. Think about it, how can you build good habits months after the cues have happened? If we want to get better results, we need to build better habits. Now.

Empathy, Health and Wellness, Loss and Grief, Reflections, Travel

Let’s Get Upset

By Adam Crompton on

January 1, 2019

- Empathy, Health and Wellness, Loss and Grief, Reflections, Travel

Let’s get upset….Said no one ever…

When’s the last time you were upset?

How was it? A lot of fun right?

We we all have these moments – where we’re immediately triggered by something and it brings out more emotion and feeling in us than we thought we had. If you don’t have these moments, please contact me and share your secret…

What happens for you in these moments? Do you get angry? Sad? Withdrawn? Lonely? Depressed?

Depending upon the situation, you might be lucky enough to experience all of these lovely emotions. Bingo, jackpot, winner winner!

So the question is – why do these moments happen to us? And what could we do to lessen their frequency and intensity?

If you’re like many people, you’ve give up on these questions. You’ve come to accept that these ups and downs are just “a normal part of life”.

If you’re an optimist, then you’ve rationalized it as some sort positive that helps you appreciate the happy moments.

Well, let’s pretend we can actually affect them for a moment.

In 2015, a good mentor said to me “we’re only ever upset or disappointed when our expectations aren’t met”.

While that’s interesting and likely true, it’s not very helpful. It’s pretty hard to go through life without any expectations.

I certainly have an expectation to get through the day with a couple of meals and some water don’t you?

As humans, or at least as ‘Westerners’, we certainly seem to think about what we want and the future a lot, and with that, come expectations. Sometimes, a lot of them…

Thanks to another mentor, I attended The Landmark Forum. Crazy enough, they also brought up this idea of upsets and how they’re tied to expectations…but there are more components to it.

Here’s the idea – upsets occur solely inside of us and they are tied to 3 things:
1. Thwarted Intentions
2. Undelivered Communications
3. Unfulfilled Expectations

Take a deep look at the last time you were upset – What was happening?

Were you stuck in traffic? Running late to meet a friend? Did you drop your phone? Did your SO not show you as much love or attention as you were hoping for?

Seriously, take a moment and see if you can discover these 3 components in it. What were they?

Now notice your emotions and feelings around the upset – have they lessened? Do you feel like you finally understand why it bothered you so much?

To the extent we can interrupt these upsets and examine them to find those 3 components, we can ‘short circuit’ them from frying our brain into an unwanted and often uncomfortable reaction.

For me, what I came to learn was that while traveling, living simply, and focusing on the bare necessities of life, I all of a sudden had:
– few and uncomplicated intentions
– more honest and simple communications
– low expectations

An example:
When I was traveling and living out of a backpack for super cheap, my intentions were to live cheaply, meet people, make a few connections, be outside, and see the world.

All easily accomplished…well most of the time…

Take a look at your life right now – do you have complicated, extremely lofty, and sometimes unrealistic expectations?

If so, consider your options:
1. Reset your levels to something more realistic
2. Set completely new levels or objectives
3. Re-commit yourself to accomplishing and achieving them
4. Face a huge upset when life gets in the way and something goes off the tracks

Being upset is no way to live your life. Everyone wants to be enjoying life and not experiencing these intense downturns.

The decision is now yours – let your upsets control you or decide now to control your upsets.

Purpose and Calling, Reflections

Get Lucky

Reflections, Relationships

Say Goodbye – Ciao Ciao Bella

Reflections, Relationships

Fear as a Compass

Accountability, Books, Health and Wellness, Languages, Leadership, Purpose and Calling, Reflections

Building Habits

Empathy, Health and Wellness, Loss and Grief, Reflections, Travel

Let’s Get Upset

Our Mission